In my last article, I wrote about how so many life circumstances were converging, and that without Innate Health I would really have been going bonkers. Little did I know that the universe was just getting started. I was in California at my grandson’s upsherin [ritual haircut at age 3]. I got a call from my youngest daughter—the daughter who is getting married in five weeks—that she had broken her foot. It is not every girl’s dream to walk down the aisle in crutches! We flew home, took her to the orthopedist and were told that she had to wait a week for the swelling to go down before he could operate. Of course, she needed crutches and a wheelchair and couldn’t do things for herself. During this time, she also had her finals at college. I had to drive her to the city and get her to class via crutches and wheelchair. Hashem really showed me His face during this: Every time I had to drive her, a parking space appeared exactly where I needed it—in midtown Manhattan. An angel disguised as a person even gave me the parking spot when he saw the crutches.
The day before my daughter’s surgery, I got a call from my brother. He told me that my Dad was doing very poorly and that I had to get down to Florida right away. I told him the surgery is tomorrow morning and asked if I could come down afterwards. He responded with, “I wouldn’t wait.” So I got my tickets to Florida for that day. I got to be with my Dad for about an hour before he passed—although he was unconscious. In the midst of all this emotional turmoil, I flew back to New Jersey to prepare for the funeral. The next day, my daughter had to be moved out of her dorm room in Manhattan, and of course she could not do it and I could not do it. My husband and daughter-in-law did it. The next day was the funeral. My daughter’s fiancee came and pushed her in a wheelchair everywhere. Oh, and did I mention that my other daughter and her family were flying in from California, and we had to borrow baby stuff for them from friends? Then we sat shiva. Of course my daughter needed lots of help with everything…and the wedding was still moving closer.
Oh yes—and people were still coming through our home because it was for sale.
I loved having all my kids and their families at my house, even for a sad occasion. I really thank my Dad for that. So here it is, two weeks before the wedding. I am still driving my daughter into the city for her exams. She has her boot off and can now hobble around. I have been totally going on adrenaline, and have barely been able to feel my feelings about my Dad because I am in go-go-go mode. (P.S., my dryer is still not working.)
Can you believe this? You cannot make this stuff up. This is definitely not the time to buy a lottery ticket!
But believe it or not, even in the midst of all this, I am OK. Yes, I am sad, and I am in autopilot mode, but I am OK.
I must confess that I have been on such autopilot that I’ve barely had feelings at all. I was in total survival mode. Now that things are slowing down somewhat, more feelings are coming up. Grief and depression overwhelm. I feel like I just want to get in bed and pull the covers over my head. (I have been eating a lot of Haagen Dazs.) But I keep falling back into my knowledge of Innate Health. I can feel the anxious feelings, but I know that underneath all the heavy emotions there is a place where I feel safe. My thoughts are fleeting like clouds in the sky. I am the sky, not the clouds.
I am also using my knowledge of Innate Health to just do the next thing and not spin off into all the what-if stuff. It would be so, so easy to just lose it, but my understanding of Innate Health calms me. I just don’t go down that road of tortuous thinking. I (and you) have a direct pipeline to the Creator of the Universe, and we can tap into it at every moment. I keep doing the next thing, and I know that Hashem is with me at every moment, providing me with what I need—even parking spaces in midtown Manhattan.
By Jewel Safren, LCSW
Jewel Safren MSW, LSW, LCSW has over 35 years of experience in counseling, lifecoaching and public speaking coaching. She has worked with people all over the US and in Europe, and runs popular personal growth workshops, webinars and classes. She is recommended by Rabbi Dr. Akiva Tatz, Rabbi Jonathan Rietti, B.Ed, M.Sci., Rabbi Paysach J. Krohn and Rabbi Mordechai Becher. She lives in West Orange, NJ, with her hubby and two kids, and has two married kids and two grandsons living in California. You can contact Jewel at (973) 464-8556 or, if you would like to be on her mailing list or for more information, visit firstname.lastname@example.org.